Ive been thinking.

Here is hoping you all had a wonderful christmas!!

I sure did...! pictures coming up reallll soon!! Spending the time with the family was everything i expected...  we stayed in this BEAUTIFUL lodge, it really was more than i expected! it was a good few days, except for a few glitches, like network problems, and i am a girl of technology i am sorry to have to admit but i CAN NOT live without my cell phone! sue me. It was also VERY hot.. i was beside myself with heat it was unbelievable..! another major glitch was the insects... i may sound like a little girl when i say this, but that place was crawling with insects with the likes of SCORPIONS! uh huh...we were not messing with insects!other than that it was a good break.. i am happy to be back though and looking forward to new year!

With the days drawing closer to the new year i like to reflect on the past year, and its happenings! the good the bad... and this helps me to decide what to keep and what to change... it helps me make my new years resolutions. And lately i have been thinking about weeding people out of my life... not necessarily for fun and i ceratinly do not intend to sound mean or anything but its come a time in my life where i think i really need it. some people are definaelty in your life for a season and some people have overstayed their welcome in mine. I think this way i can allow myself to grow as a person, instead of being held down...
Right now, i just want to enter the new year with the people that love me the most and i love them equally... i am soo grateful for my friends and family, and i just want to start the new year with love... and that just calls for me to be surrounded by love!
ALSO... another new years resoultion would be to make more friends... i know times can be tough with a lot of friends but i also know that times can be easier and if i pick the right ones, i am hoping my times will be easier..!
my new years resolution list is not complete, i will be working on it till then! thats just something i thought i would share with you guys!! :)

In other news i really want to watch AVATAR! i never really wanted to in the beginning, but i have heard such great things that i just cant wait to get to the cinema to see it...!!

happy holidays everyone!

Its only two days to Christmas and i just CANT wait... its not like i have anything major planned but its just such a special holiday!
My family and i are taking a lil ROAD trip to a place called Mutare... have not really been there so it should be interesting to check it out..! and it will be good to get away as well...!!! :) its been awhile since i have actually taken a family road trip! yay!!
Christmas with my mother is always fun, mainly because she really celebrates it... (like i said, nothing major, but you can definately tell its christmas) on my fathers side its just one of those "Merry Christmas and just get on with your day" kinda thing... No Christmas lunch, no Christmas carrols.. and NO PRESENTS! lol... i know many people look forward to Christmas for their presents..! am i right or am i right heh???
There are a few people i would i have liked to spend Christmas with that i wont be with... sadly! BUT there is always next year and the year after that right?

One important thing we should not forget this christmas is.... JESUS CHRIST... give thanx, because if there was no birth there would have been no ressurection, and he would not have died for our sins so that we may have eternal life...! xx

just remember not to X the christ in Christmas!!


HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111


What are you guys up to this christmas??

This is the holiday season right?

Before i start... i would like to apologise for the sadness that this blog will bring.. its just one of those days...

I have to keep reminidng myself that its the holidays... not that the endless amount of time i spend on my couch does not let me know... i am talking more in the giving, recieving type of sense! dont get me wrong i am ALL for the giving and recieving... infact i actually learnt in church today that we should love enough to give and not be proud to recieve... and i agree 100%!!

Any way moving on to why i am actually writing this blog.... i have been down in the dumps lately... people have been trying to rub me the wrong way.. and its people that i call friends...! its very disheartening really, and its at times like this when i have to remind myself that this is the holiday season and i shud be spreading joy and love...! but its SO DAMN HARD when you have friends like mine.. by the way, maybe i should take this chance to ask ya'll if any of you are selling your friends... because i am a buyer that is interested! (let me also mention that its not all my friends.. shame there are those special few) look at me painting you a picture of a girl with no friends.. erase that image! i have friends!! its just those selected few that really need to jack up!

i know in life there are always ups and downs with friends included... its just hard when it actually comes dwon to it, becasue you expect your friends to be there wherever whenever (just like shakira said) BUT on a brighter note.... i love them all the same.... just have to wait it out.....

which one of you have issues with friends??

what has me going!

I  am TOTALLY excited right now,and the way I say that, you would think I have won an award for actress of the year, or cracked the unwritten code of the dos and dont's of relationships... (I'm sorry we still have to work on that one.) BUT what I am excited about, is this song.... yes, i get excited over songs!
But whatever, right now i am in love with it, and i wanted to share it, just to allow you guys to fall in love with it as well.... :)

Avalanche- Marie Digby

today

Today I woke up

 and started to think

 about the world we live in

how wonderful

 

 

 

 

 

im just saying

study time

My study patterns are weird, one day I want absolute silence and the next I need some music in my ears. today is that music day

So I created a play list, this is my study play list for today.

study Play list

Alicia Keys- Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart
Brandy- Causualties
Jay Sean ft Sean Paul & Lil Jon Do You- Remember
Jordin Sparks- Over You
Michelle Williams- I am With You
Snoop Dogg ft The Dream- Gangsta Luv
Tpain- Drop It
Usher- More

Ready... Set... Study!!!

three words.

My lame attempt at story writing. enjoy.

Three words

It all started and ended with a phone call..... 


Then
The phone begun to ring, it was him. I knew it was, how else could you explain my racing heart. I had imagined this day for two months now, and even though he only learnt my name two days ago, I could not help but be excited. finally.

"hello?" i said into the phone
"hi, Jenny?" he replied
"uh, yes who is this?"
"its Troy"
"oh hi Troy"
"hi, umm so, when did you want to work on that science project?"
"umm, well, i am free any time"
"really? uh, how about tomorrow morning?
"oh, ok sure. tomorrow is good."
"ok great. see you tomorrow then."
"ok"
"bye"
"bye"
click.

We begun to date two weeks later, i was 13 he was 15 and even though it took a science project to get him to notice me I could not have been happier. We did everything together, he was my best friend, he knew things about me that not even my closest friends knew, and this is where the but comes in, there was something missing. I felt it but I did not know how to explain it, he did and said everything that I wanted, but one thing was always uncertain, how he felt about me... I never knew. Two months, five months, seven months.... nothing....

Shortly after that he moved away, he said it would only be for a year, but I knew it could not work, we begun to fight a lot, mainly because I felt like I was the only one putting my all into the relationship, and he never understood it, but how could he, how could I tell him that I am mad because he refuses to tell me how he feels, how could I tell him that I am mad because I love him? so.... it was over, Troy Martin and I were over. Heartbroken I had to move on, just like he had.

I hated losing things, and not knowing where to find them. That day, 5th June 1985 I had lost my good luck charm, a green pebble, my mother had given it to me when I was five and scared of going to the dentist. Ever since then every time I felt I needed luck it was there with me, and now when I had the worst history exam coming up I could not find it. I tore my room apart, I had to find it. Looking in my desk drawer at the very end I came across a a bunch of papers tied around in an elastic band, papers I had never seen and never recalled putting there. At first I paid no mind, I had a mission in mind but a second look made me stop and investigate.

I removed the elastic band and what i saw made me cry, there was no mistaking his handwriting, after all we did a science project together, we studied maths a million times together, we played x and o's many times in detention. it was Troys.... and he said it.

10th October  I love you Jenny
17th October I love you
31 October I love you Jen
6th November I LOVE YOU
8th November Troy Loves you
12th November I love you so much
15th December I... love... you
25th December I LOVE YOU JEN
28th December  iiiiiiii lllllllllllooooooooovvvvvvveeeeee yyyyyooooooouuuuu
21st January  I love you 
14th February  J'Taime
23rd February i love yooooooou
13th March ME LOVE YOU

25th March Jen.. I love you ok?
20th April (the day he left) I will always love you


He said it. He said those three words. 
I could not get to the phone any faster, I dailed the number I knew so well, and waited to hear the voice I missed so much.

"hello?" he said
"I love you too" I replied

Why he did not tell me to my face I never knew, but i knew he loved me! and I love him too.

Now

I am twenty five now, and i will never forget  that time of my life, I never did find that green pebble, but after that it did not matter, i had found a new good luck charm.  Just then my husband walked in, i smiled. Troy Martin was my best friend and the best Husband in the world.

dedicated to you

I never knew him, in fact i still don't know him, all I know is his name. Ponjee.
I lie, that's not all I know, I know that he was a student at Monash University, that makes him one of us, one of me... and we lost him.
He went missing a couple of days ago and ever since then i couldnt wrap my head around it, i can ONLY imagine what those who knew him were feeling. To make it worse, we find out that he has passed away.....
Its at times like this that you realise that life is short, one day you're here and the next..... We really are not in control of everything...

To me death is a very scary concept, its in fact the thing that i am most afraid of, and i guess maybe its a blessing in disguise that we don't really know when its going to happen, because then how would we really live... i mean really live! I dont know but, i would like to think that Ponjee lived, and even though death brings on the worst feelings, its his life we should be celebrating.

This is my dedication to him, although I never knew him.
RIP Ponjee.

Life instructions

Life is not always that simple, that's a given. But its not so often that we actually just take a second to think about it, you will be surprised to find that it can be simple, all we need are just a few life instructions.

easy aint it? I thought so.

Rule # 1- Have fun: I have realised that every time i am having fun I tend to forget, if not on purpose, the problems i have in my life. yes it does not take the problems away, but at least I don't spend most of my time burying myself in problems, that I may or may not be able to fix at that given time. Having fun is a stress relief in an odd sense. DO WHAT YOU LIKE DOING! drawing, writing, partying, kissing, dancing.... just have fun.

Rule # 2- Do not hurt people: lying, cheating, stealing, killing, mocking = NO NO.

Rule # 3- Do not accept defeat: when something goes wrong, most of us are so quick to give up, like 'no that's not for me', BUT who told you that? life is not easy (kinda going against what the whole point of this blog is, but for GOOD reason) when life throws you lemons make lemonade, make the best out of every situation! our parents tell us this all the time, and even the celebrities we look up to, take for example Aaliyah she said in one of her songs "if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again" and then we have Nas, who told us "I know I can, be what i wanna be, if i work hard at it, i can be what i wanna be", we can not have let them sing those songs for nothing!

Rule # 4- Strive to be happy: the word that caught me here was strive! definition: To make efforts; to use exertions; to endeavor with earnestness; to labor hard. [1913 Webster] 

happiness is not handed out on a sliver platter, we need to go out there and make our own happiness, and because the world is full of opposing forces, that is, life/death, love/hate and so on, it is not easy but if if ever you find it difficult, refer back to rule # 3... do not accept defeat, you CAN be happy and you MUST be happy! 

HDDS people!  

 

fashion passion

Being a girl, there are many things that define me, besides boys and parties one of them is FASHION. By define, i do not mean, i am who i am because of fashion, but rather i am fashion..!

Even though "i am fashion", i am not at either extremes, you can call me the 'in between girl', i am not up to date with the latest fashion and on the other hand i am not clueless about fashion, i am just in between. give me something that looks nice, and i will wear it. :)

Any way, i have a friend that is about to launch her own fashion line in December, (its drive like that, that keeps me motivated to do what i want!) and she is kind of my inspiration on this blog.

so below you will find some fashion items that i picked up, just for your enjoyment, who knows maybe you will like something you see.

I am sorry boys, this one is not for you! :) (next time)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lady Gaga said it best:

Ohhh Ohhh
La La La
We Love Designer


I am, I'm too fabu-lous
I'm so fierce that it's so nuts
I live, to be model thin
Dress me, I'm your manne-quin


J'adore Vivienne, La Vie et Moi
Gucci, Fendi, et Prada. Valentino, Armani too.
Merde I love them Jimmy Choo

Fashion put it all on me
Don't you want to see these clothes on me
Fashion put it all on me
I am anyone you want me to be (2x)

Ohhhh Ohhhhh
La La La
We love designer

I need, some new stile-ttos
Can't walk, down the street in those
You are, who you wear it's true
A girl's just as hot as the shoes she choose


J'adore Weitzman, La Vie et Moi
Louis, Dolce Gabbana, Alexander McQueen, eh oh.
Merde I love those Minolo

Fashion put it all on me
Don't you want to see these clothes on me
Fashion put it all on me
I am anyone you want me to be (2x)

Ohhhh Ohhhhh
La La La
We Love Designer




Loves it! xx

These are our realities

God.

Love, hate, sex, friendship, rape, heart break, laughter, sadness, holidays, marriage, divorce, gay/lesbianism, racism, handicap, backstabbing, cheating.

growth, maturity, immaturity, HIV, cancer, pimples, exams, education, insanity, judgement, descions, birthdays, failure, excellence, disease.

talent, grudges, alcoholism, celebrities, selfishness, guilt, life, death, hunger, passion, expectations, role model, health care, tribulations, speculations.

music, art, poetry, dreams, pain, individuality, confidence, intelligence, bravery, shyness, sin, crime, punishment, slavery, trade, drugs, money, murder.

development, yearning, jobs, food, scared, truth, lies, technology, comfort, luxury, class, elegance, games, change, standards, simplicity, complexity, independence.

children, abortion, romance, regret, emotion, forgiveness, strength, weakness, courage, honesty, loyalty, diversity, difference, unique, success.

variety, critics, suspense, promises, opinions, impatience, desire, pity, good, bad, interest, parties, trust.

togetherness.

These are our realitites. 

HALLOWEEN!!

Just for fun, or (maybe) out of sheer boredom, I was searching the web for scary stories, all in the spirit of Halloween!! Its the least i could so since i am not going to actually be out celebrating it. so any way, I came across some weird and scary stories... hope you enjoy them, BE SCARED.!!! and happy Halloween to everyone!

wait, why do people say 'happy' Halloween?? i get happy birthday, i mean it is a joyous occassion, the day you were born. i get that, but why 'happy' Halloween? puzzles me.

ANY WAY.. i hope you enjoy your day...

Scary Story number one
I come from Canberra, the capital of Australia. Just out of Canberra, on the way to Sydney, there's a huge lake, called "Lake George." These days, as Canberra and it's surrounding area is faced with one of it's worst droughts in years, you would never guess that not that long ago it was filled with water, at times overflowing onto the road. Many people spent fun summers fishing and swimming there, but not everyone had such happy times. Many people lost their lives there, and there are stories about ghostly sightings that go around Canberra. One of the best-known is that if you drive past the Lake George at night by yourself and look in the rear-vision mirror, you'll see someone sitting in the back seat of your car. There have also been reports of ghost trucks and cars that drive along the highway late at night when few cars are traveling. Legend by freaky_bacon

Scary story number two
On a warm summer night, a couple of friends of mine and I stayed up until about 3:00 a.m. talking about scary stuff that has happened to us. One began telling us about a weird encounter he had with a ghost or something supernatural. He said he was driving back home (from Abilene, Texas to Laredo, Texas) when he saw a hitchhiker on the road. As he passed the woman, he looked back in the rearview mirror to catch a last glance, when, to his surprise the woman appeared to be sitting in his back seat. He must of been really tired of driving or something but he just shook it off and continued on his way. Submitted by Edmond 

Scary story number 3

One Halloween night, a 16 year old girl named May and her friends, Irene, Kate, and Leslie, were out driving to a Halloween party outside of town. So, of course, they took the freeway. The car was slowing down, like it was running out of gas, but the meter said it was full. May and Leslie went to check out the engine. When they opened the hood, there was a hand. A lone bare, hand. They were so frightened they couldn't scream. Leslie reached out to touch it then IT MOVED! This time they both screamed and Irene and Kate ran out the car screaming. They said there was a man with his flesh torn and a missing hand in the back seat. The girls ran and the car was chasing them slowly. May called the her parents, Irene called 911, on their cellular phones as they ran. But when the cops and May's parents came, all four girls were soaking in blood. Not their own blood. The cops found a black gemstone, unidentified, in the driver's seat -- covered with blood. The girls went ahead to the party. The address was just a vacant lot but in that vacant lot were many bloody, black, unidentified gemstones. Submitted by Aliz

scary story number four

Here's one I heard on the radio from a woman who told her story about seeing a ghost, which is scary: A few years ago, the woman and her family had just moved to a new house somewhere in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. One night, her baby son was crying so she got out of bed and went to see him. Suddenly, the baby stopped crying. The woman knew that he must have fallen asleep so she went back to bed. A few hours later, the baby cried again, so she got up and went over to check again. As she opened the door to her son's room, she saw a boy, about 6 or 7 years old, calming the baby down. When he saw the woman, he disappeared. The woman was shocked and later told her neighbours what happened. The neighbours already knew about the ghost and told her that there was a boy who died from an illness, about 80 years ago, and was buried under the exact place where her baby son's room is. Submitted by Cindy

 
bwahahahahaha bwahahahahaha. (trying to do that scary laugh at the end of 'Thriller')

the way i am feeling

 

                                                  this is me right now   

Mood 1: EXAMS! need I say more! (but I will). its not like I haven't been going through this exam thing ever since I was a child, but  *shock* I still cant seem to get over it! Its like a relationship gone bad... I want to move on but I cant! you would think by now we would have gotten used to the fact that at the end of every year, we will have to sit in a big room in silence for almost 2 to 3 hours and tackle questions you may or may not know..! Ugh I just cant wait to get it over and done with. Next exam English Literature... sounds easy when you say it, like 'helloooo I speak that everyday.' but doing it is a different story. trust me! 

+Positve+ to mood number 1: when i was looking for the perfect angry smiley to describe my mood, i seriously came across some ridiculous ones. for example.

Haha. This guy is not angry, its more like he is thinking "hey what's the big idea?"






This guy aint angry either, its like he was in some contest to see which smiley could pull the funniest facial.

 

 and this guy!! well to me he looks like he uses a bit too much botox. 

this is me right now too. CONFUSED

Mood 2: I am sooo confused! boys, I mean men confuse me! this has nothing to do with my boyfriend, all though one day I would imagine he will appear on this blog one too many times. BUT, for now I want to talk about an old friend. so i haven't spoken to this guy in like a LONG time, and even those capitals don't express how long, long is, but any way. yesterday i get this phone call and its him... *shock*,  

so my first reaction: YAY!! 

and then we talk some more, messaging back and forth (its been the first time since my birthday that my phone has been that busy) so any way then things start getting weird. by weird i mean 

Him: i really needed a reason to come down that side today? i need female company

Me:  why? who else besides me do you know? 

Him: *list of people he knows* but you are the only female i know.

Me: *mentions someone he listed* i am dating one of his friends so i know him really well

Him: you are dating!!!! and here i was hoping you were not.! now i have no reason to come there

Second reaction: oh. no. 

Thing with this guy, i knew him because he dated my friend.! and that's rule number one, you can not date/flirt/have a thing with any one that your friend has dated, and in between the time he asked her for my number, mentioned her name, and me mentioning her name, its like he forgot he dated her! and i know some girls do that, the whole 'date their friends boyfriends blah blah blah' you know the story, there are even movies about such things, recent one I have watched 'the door at the end of the corridor'. ANY WAY back to business, I am not that girl. I value friendship and the fact that he can even suggest such a thing is beyond me. 

guys honestly confuse me, the way they think is so parralel to the way we think... 

+positive+ to mood number 2: i am not going to waste my time thinking about it or making a mountain out of a mould hill, he is a guy after all. 

SO, that's me and my moods. i am a girl after all.

 

in my own time

I am so enjoying being 21, even though its just an age! (by the way screw people who say that.... its not JUST an age, its MY age).  Any way, people have been seriously trying to spoil my joy by coming to me with so many "your 21 now you should be doing..." speeches! seriously. If only they knew what the images I have had of what being 21 was...

**a huge amount of hangovers, tattoos and piercings
change of style from casual babe to ROCK CHIC!
exams?? what exams! PARTY, BOYS and ALCOHOL, and NO PARENTS**


im just saying.

Ever since i was young (thirteen) i have always had this image of what being 21 was and i couldnt wait.. because most of the time it looked fun. now that i am here... its a different story. people expect me to be more responsible and decicive and in control.. and i am like hold on a MINUTE! i am not there yet...

things i have learnt since being 21

1. Marketing is not for me, good bye marketing see you never. (had a very long marketing exam, i think you understand)
2. Relationships (between a boy and a girl) are much harder than i thought. boys need to come with a user manual. sheesh
3. I am in LOVE with cell phones.
4. I am also in love with social networking- Facebook and Twitter cant get enough of me.
5. I really need to get in the habit of exercising. (could not lift a couple of groceries up the stairs the other day.. don't judge me)
6. GOSH i hate my handwriting
7.i CANT wait until I can start my career and even though im not 100% sure what that will be, I still cant wait.
8. I still have a lot to learn....

so i say let me do it in my own time. for now i am at enjoying the fact that i am 21.... tomorrow we clean up my room.

new beginnings

I recently turned 21 (yay me) and I know people have this thing where at every stage in their life they want to do something different, and now that I am the BIG 21, I figured maybe I should also take on this approach... my sister says that i should draft up a list of "things to do before i turn 30" and that sounds like a great idea

... although.... i have NO idea what to put on it.

i am definately not the dare devil type of girl so that scracthes out sky diving and absailing, and all things in the air or underwater.. so that list will have to wait for now until i REALLY know what i want to do, but for now i thought i should start somewhere simple...

write a blog. and its not like i have been wanting to do this FOREVER.

so this is my welcome, to new beginnigs.

this is me!l i think it describes me best,  
nice enough to notice but always in the background.